The night before my wedding
I had an unfortunate stag
A rowdy friend brought hookers
By four, we were all bagged

The rosy fingered dawn
Was creeping up the sky
It was at my house in The Beach
We needed a walk, my brother and I

We headed for the water
Into the rising sun
We clambered out on the breakwater
We were wasted, but it was fun

As we sat there and smoked a fattie
We looked back and watched the shore
Along came a parade in the stillness
Like we’d never seen before

Nine men in black wetsuits
Identical, highlighted in red
Each of them on a push-scooter
And they followed one who led

They pushed and scooted and rumbled
Their way down the boardwalk there
They were headed towards the yacht club
If they saw us, they didn’t care

Patrick and I looked at each other
We weren’t sure what we’d just seen
We wondered if it was real or not
Or just an addled dream

If you ever see the Scootermen
In their wetsuits so gay
Be sure to take a picture of them
I’d like proof of what I saw that day